I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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