Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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