It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
