it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
