pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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