I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
