So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize