Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
