You're so nebulous sometimes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
