I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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