plz talk dirty to me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
