he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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