i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
