goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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