she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize