at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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