wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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