Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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