Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
