I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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