Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
