Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have aggressive nipples.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
