hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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