found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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