i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
