You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
