i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
