I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
