you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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