She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
