Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize