chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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