wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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