You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
