i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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