So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize