I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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