And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
