i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
