Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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