my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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