He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize