if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
