She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
