if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
