Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
