they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize