well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
