Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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