I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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