So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
