Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
