I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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