Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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