in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
