Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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