Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
