she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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