can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
