It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He? As in you personified your dick?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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