the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
