M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
