She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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