im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
