Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I look better un-naked...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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