smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
