I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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