i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
