Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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