Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
