He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
