you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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