420 ftw
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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