There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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