does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize