If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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