Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
