ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
