I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
