I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
